“edited” by Al South
M Hey Rant Line™, how you doing? New night on Tuesday, every Tuesday, at Zanzibar. It’s Bionic Monday…errr…Bionic Tuesday! It’s going to be a rock ’n’ roll night and just wanted to let you guys know! [BLEEP!]
M For this year’s FROSH, it might be important to include some additional info alongside the where to DRINK, how to rent and where to get CONDOMS and abortions stuff. Namely, where to get your little RED SQUARE, how to turn any street protest into a party, how to take a baton across the back of your legs, where to find a sympathetic and affordable lawyer, how to tell your parents all the money they spent amounted to absolutely nothing because you never actually attended any classes because, fuck the man, man! [BLEEP!]
F If the students are still on strike, does that mean there’s no frosh this year? I hope not because it makes me ill to see my peers whoring themselves up and getting shit-faced and RAPED by sleazy McGill scumbags. Honestly, girls, if you think you can make friends by having some engineering douche scrawl words on your tits and then send you from pub to pub until you’re too fucked up to know you’re being raped, then you don’t need an education. You need a therapist. Class it the fuck up, girls. [BLEEP!]
M What the hell has happened to the St. Laurent Street Fair? There used to be actual sales from the actual shops on the actual street. Now it’s mostly kiosks offering massages and selling shit that you’d never see on St Laurent any other time, and stands selling food that has been left in the sun too long. Who the fuck needs it? The only good part of it is being able to walk in the middle of the road, but what’s the point of that if there’s nowhere to walk to? Even Soho is gone now, who used to sell clothes for women and men who dress like women. The whole thing is a sham and I move to shut it down once and for all. (bleep)
M Hi. This may come across as politically incorrect. However, I think I’d like to say something about the ITINERANT magazine that’s funded and run by the homeless of Montreal. I haven’t seen one issue which is bilingual, and I find that to be a detriment to SPREADING CONSCIOUSNESS about the homeless crisis in this city. I’m wondering why they refuse to publish an English version? It just gives me the impression that there’s an intolerance to the notion that there could be an English homeless population itself. Or that there are too many English people speaking English in Montreal as it is. But Montreal, however, is not Quebec. Paris isn’t France. New York is not the United States and Moscow is not the former Soviet Union, Russia. So in this perspective I hope to read them. I support them. I often throw them some quarters to the salesmen on the street. But I can never understand the beautiful language that they’re publishing. Thank you. Bye. [BLEEP!]
F Is Boustan not as good anymore? I know it got sold and I’ve had it a couple of times and now I think it’s not as good. Is it just me? [BLEEP!]
M I commend FAT PEOPLE for trying to get back into shape by riding their bicycles and going on walks or even something that is sort of similar to a slow jog, but I don’t think it’s right that the rest of us—namely me—should have to suffer seeing SWEATY fat people all over the place. Isn’t there some way we could set up a fat zone for these people? All the unsightly fat people can go to one spot and do whatever exercise they need to do. The can even wear tights and shorts and other things that shouldn’t be on a fat person. Then they won’t offend anyone with their fat. And then when they lose enough weight, they can migrate back into gen pop, or even start running in the sweaty sexy people lanes. It’s an idea whose time has come, Rant Line™. Peace. [BLEEP!]
M I’d like to weigh in on the pizza situation of two for ones and medium-small. When it said that “medium comes in between something,” I got a raging hard-on. Any chance the Rant Line™ can get some tit-pics up on this bitch? [BLEEP!]
F You know what’s not a good place to PISS on your way home on a Saturday night? Against my fucking WINDOW. Basement apartments—never again! [BLEEP!]