“edited” by AL SOUTH
F I am calling to rant about the STATE OF MEN in this city. It is the worst I have ever seen. Three GORGEOUS girls go out, and barely a single guy comes up to talk to us. I’ve lived in several different countries in my life, and travelled a lot, and Montreal has got to be the worst. I’ve lived in places like Israel, where guys will send you DRINKS, and hordes of men will just surround you! I don’t know what is wrong with the men here. Why are they so wimpy? Is it because there are so many gorgeous girls here that they feel there is no need to make an effort? Like, why bother? It is retarded, this state of affairs. And online it is even worse! Guys have no balls! We should create a movement where men start to be men again. Men, come up to us! The minute you start talking to us, no matter who you are, we will be happy! We are starved for it! Anyhow, I could probably create an entire blog about this, because I have heard so many girls complain about it. It is a PHENOMENON—Montreal has the most UNBALLSY men in the universe! Guys, stop sticking to your little horde of men and get up and talk to women! Just man up in general! [BLEEP!]
F Hey, so when we went to Osheaga my friend and I were both really bothered by the fact that there were no FEMALE DJs in the lineup. I know that women are super scarce in the EDM scene and it sucks, but still. When you go see a band like Haim, which I did, and they were totally badass, and Kate Nash, you feel the GIRL POWER. But you also feel the sadness, because there is not enough of it at these festivals. It’s time we stopped dancing around this issue. Instead of just saying, “Let’s go girls,” or “Boys suck, girls rule,” which is cool, we should also say, “Ladies, there aren’t enough of us doing this.” So that audiences can realize and reflect and maybe make a change. [BLEEP!]
F I just got home from the first day of Osheaga. A bunch of girls were invited up on the stage by Outkast to dance on stage and have their BEHINDS zoomed in on camera. This is just a sample of the daily confrontations of sexism that women have to go through. So the last thing I needed on my bus ride back home was to read in the Rant Line™ about some LIMP-DICKED MALE telling me that women dress the way we dress because we are trying to catch some dick so we won’t have to fetch our own FOOD. You should know better than to print this crap. [sighs deeply] Good job on ruining my night. [BLEEP!]
F I just wanted to say fuck you to the “editor” of the stupid sexist Rant Line™. I see and hear enough misogynistic bullshit in my daily life that I don’t need to see some douchebag telling women how they should groom their pubes because he thinks VULVAS are ugly. News flash buddy: you don’t have to have sex with vulvas if you don’t want to. And then there was a guy who says we are all stinky dirty APES who want to fuck and that women dress SEXY because they want to fuck a guy so they can control him. That is some high-level misogynistic bullshit! You are choosing to publish hateful, vile bullshit. [BLEEP!]
M Can someone please explain to me what is with the ANIMAL PAW TATTOOS on BOOBS? Is it like, oh look at me, I was just mauled by some animal that can’t resist big fat skanky titties? Whoah, what a turn on! You’ve got nine paw prints on your tits, my dick is just going to shatter the window thinking of that one. Next, CHERRIES. Not to pick on fat girls, but come on, what is it with fat girls and the cherry on their boobs? Is it, oh look at me, my titties are like big fat cherries? Or just pretend they are like cherries? Forget about the fact that they are pale ALABASTER or flushed red with a hive on them, just focus on the cherry! Sorry, but none of these things is making anybody horny. [BLEEP!]
M Hey Rant Line™. This rant is in regards to the Tribe Called Red show that was part of the pre-Pop Montreal festival, I believe. As I was trying to get through the crowd to my friends in front, I was ATTACKED three times by LITTLE GIRLS, basically. Adolescent girls. Two times by Native Indian girls and one time by a French-Canadian girl. They hit me in the back and PUNCHED me really hard from behind. And each time I turned around and said, why are you being aggressive with me, they didn’t have an answer. They just stood there and looked at me like I was an alien from another planet. So to all the little teeny girls who think its cool to punch older men from behind, just because they can, why are you doing this? Are you excited by it? Are you on crack? [BLEEP!]
F The other day I was with my boyfriend and we were walking through Parc Jeanne Mance. It was a beautiful sunny day. And there was this lady walking in front of us and she’s being perfectly normal, wearing a LITTLE FLOWERY DRESS and a STRAW HAT. Then all of a sudden she veers off the path and crouches in front of a tree, and we hear what sounds like a FART. My boyfriend and I turn and look at each other and go, is that really what we just heard? And then we see she is looking around, staring at the traffic as if everything is normal, but there is a stream of YELLOW DIARRHEA coming out from underneath her skirt! What the fuck!? So eventually she finishes her BUSINESS and carries on walking, in her little flowery dress and straw hat. I am never going to be hanging out near that tree, that’s for sure. [BLEEP!]
M This is to the young woman in her 30s whose DREAMS weren’t realized. I’m just wondering, what were her dreams? [BLEEP!]
GOT AN OPINION ON THE LOCAL SCENE? WE WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU! CALL 514-271-RANT (7268)