“edited” by AL SOUTH
M Ok, I just saw BRETT KAVANAUGH crying and lying on TV and I mean give me a break, who does he think he is kidding? Anyone who went to high school or university anywhere knows that the JOCKS were the most obnoxious clique of BULLIES who were able to get away with, I don’t know, MURDER, never mind harassing any poor girls who stumbled into their path. Frat boy jocks who can’t hold their liquor—of course they do creepy and disgusting things to girls! And of course he did, him and his drunken friend. Oh and then they asked him about the “Renate Alumnius,” some poor girl who a dozen of the jocks at their perverted Jesuit prep school mentioned by name, shaming her, in their yearbook. And he said, “Oh it was a tribute, we were showing her she was one of us.” Yeah, right! C’mon, anyone who has ever been a boy or a girl in high school knows that is a lie. Why didn’t he just tell the truth, why didn’t he just say, yes, we were making fun of her, picking on her, but it was a very stupid teenage mistake, and I am sorry about that. But instead he just lies and cries and blames the media and the Clintons and some kind of left-wing conspiracy. What a WEASEL. Seriously, what is wrong with the United States? [BLEEP!]
F Hello, I just want to say that I just went to the SAQ to get some BOTTLES OF WINE for a dinner party I am having tonight, and it is closed! The SAQ is closed. On a Friday! They are on strike. This is inexcusable, isn’t this against the law? Aren’t they public servants? Isn’t this an essential service, wine? I am sorry, but this should really be against the law. I think it is against the law! And the SAQ, this is who is also going to be selling the MARIJUANA? These people who are on strike, these DISGRUNTLED public servants who have all these grievances? They get the contract to sell the pot? Oh my god. Anyway now I am on my way to the DEPANNEUR to buy god knows what wine for my dinner party, I am so sorry. [BLEEP!]
F I don’ know why anyone would want to see Jack White in the first place, he hasn’t been good for 15 years, he hasn’t been worth seeing since Meg left the band! But if you ask me he should be HONOURED that people would want to use their cellphones to take pictures of his PUFFY WHITE FACE, not banning cellphones like some sort of crazy cell phone dictator. Oh and Yondr can go suck ass. [BLEEP!]
F Hey, I want to dedicate this rant to whoever keeps leaving one or two cans of PABST in one of the PLANTERS in the alley across the street from me. It’s really lovely this alley, everybody has put a lot of effort into landscaping and putting picnic tables and stuff like that. It’s a really nice place to be, you know. And since I am willing to help maintain spaces I enjoy using, I’ll pick up the cans and get rid of them, because I’m not a jerk. But now I look like the asshole, taking what appeared to be my recently consumed cans of Pabst out of my purse and throwing them out into a garbage can at a park at 2 p.m. A) Those weren’t mine, I was smoking a joint and B) I wouldn’t be drinking Pabst, I’d be drinking Old Milwaukee, I have some standards. Pick up your fucking trash, man. [BLEEP!]
M Yo yo yo. Peace and love to my LGBTQ family from Montreal and worldwide. This is DRAGAN challenging TRUMP to a boxing match on the Canadian-US border because of them tariffs. Tarrifs on aluminum and steel. I want him to pay for a RINK made of aluminum and steel. Yeah. Dragan VS Trump. Facebook group DraganVSTrump, baby. Need your love, support, yeah. Love peace and harmony, baby. Adrian H. Dragan. [BLEEP!]
M Hello Rant Line™, I just want to say it was bad enough that there was one Tai Domi in the NHL, a BULLETHEAD on skates, although at least most of his career he played for the Leafs, who everyone hates anyway. But now to have a second Domi in the league, a Domi Jr—a chip off the old bulletheaded block, a sucker-punching fool—on the Habs? Anyone could have predicted that this would be an embarrassing disaster. Trade him to the Leafs for a box of Tim Horton’s DONUTS. [BLEEP!]
M Hi, fellow ranters out there, this is Rockin’ Rob. I just want to be straight up and tell you who I really am. Yes, I am Rockin’ Rob, but I’m a CHRISTIAN ROCKER, I rock for Christ, I sing metal for Christ. But I wanted to say to all the guys and gals who call themselves SATANISTS, Devil People, whatever, I want to say—this may shock the CHURCH—but I think you’re ok, I think you’re cool. Not that you need my validation, but you got it anyway! And I know you’re not evil, and anyone who uses the name of Satan to commit crimes, I know that you guys and gals wouldn’t accept him in your organization any more than I would accept anybody who uses the name of Christ to do all manner of ATROCITIES. No way man! I can rock with the best of you who rock with Satan, it’s the music we have in common, right? I know that the church doesn’t like what I’m saying, they’d freak, but I know that true Satanism is not about EVIL or SACRIFICING BABIES. It’s about having a good time. Ok, myself, I rock for Christ, like groups like STRYPER, and for me Christ is about love, not condemning people. I’ve got Satanist friends. What, a Christian guy with Satanist friends?! Yeah, why not! Christ was friends with everybody. That’s my message to everybody—let’s love, man. Christ wasn’t about hate. All right, rock on! [BLEEP!]
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