“edited” by AL SOUTH
F I am so tired of all the sexist anti-Valerie Plante comments in the media, making her personally responsible for every ICY SIDEWALK and POTHOLE in the entire city. None of the other CORRUPT MALE CLOWNS who ran the city before her ever faced these kinds of personal attacks! [BLEEP!]
F Hi. I’m sure Montreal has heard this all before, but those fucking POTHOLES are very dangerous and cost us a lot of money! I hit a pothole just three weeks after getting my new tires and the city of St. Eustache said TOO BAD, we’re not covering it. Then my daughter hit a pothole just after having her winter tires installed in November, and she had to get a whole new tire that night at Canadian Tire. And the ALUMINUM RIM for her Fiat, which cost $495, we had to have hammered out for $100 at a gas station. This is ridiculous! [BLEEP!]
M Ok I want to talk about WINTER CYCLING. Listen, I think it is great that you are healthy and in TOP SHAPE and are saving the environment by not using a car and all that, but seriously dude—because it is nearly always dudes—do you really think it is a good idea to ride your bicycle down the street in the middle of a fucking BLIZZARD? The wind is howling, the snow is blinding, and there you are peddling down St. Denis like it’s the middle of June. Did you ever think that the people driving cars can’t see you! And even if we can see you, we still might hit you! We ourselves are getting run off the road by snowplows and buses and the fucking crazy TOW TRUCK DRIVERS. Not to mention all the morons who don’t know how to drive in the first place, and sure as fuck don’t know how to drive in the snow! Honestly, I have seen dudes in these type of conditions riding their bikes with a BABY in a BUCKET in the back! Are you out of your mind? And I have also seen the food delivery bike guys, still out there delivering their food baskets and boxes. Really, you need food that bad that you are going to make some underpaid dude deliver it to you in the middle of a snow storm, like he is a SLAVE? C’mon, give those guys the day off. I would be ashamed to receive food from a bike delivery dude—Jesus, I don’t need like a Vietnamese meal that bad that some guy has to risk his life to pedal it to me. I think maybe there should be a law about all this—bikes off the roads in blizzards, something like that. The police are happy enough to give out tickets for things that are much less stupid and dangerous, that’s for sure. [BLEEP!]
F Just wanted to say that you know there something funny going on with the legalization of marijuana when MARTHA STEWART is getting involved. [BLEEP!]
M I don’t understand this. In the Gazette here, in the Extra section, they have a whole article about CANNABIS. Or actually, a whole section on the sale and possible investments in 2019 in the cannabis industry. How the fuck does anybody know? Especially you at the Gazette. None of y’all ever smoked any good cannabis, y’all never been to AMSTERDAM. You don’t fucking smoke the shit, how can you write articles on it? You’re just trying to get the market stocks up, saying invest in this, invest in that—but there’s nothing about the QUALITY! The cannabis is shit! Anything you buy at the dispensary is shit, because they don’t know how to grow it! Does anybody at the Gazette actually smoke cannabis? Like, has smoked cannabis for a long time, consistently? Or are they just making up bullshit numbers, trying to lead the market somewhere. It’s a new market, how are they all professionals? Does anybody care about quality product? It’s all just money investments, because this is a DICK SHOW, man, and everything I’ve bought at this SQDC is shit. When you go into the SAQ, they have the fine wine. But going to the SQDC is like going to a liquor store in RUSSIA and asking for VODKA and they don’t have any. Grow the shit properly. Do the science. Don’t try and invest money into something that you don’t know anything about. [BLEEP!]
M Hello Rant Line™, this is the good old Customer Service Clerk calling in again to BITCH. Some of you customers are a fucking embarrassment! Like, I’ve had so many people try to cash in on deals that expired a month ago. And the person outright admitted fucking it up, not taking responsibility, not doing their due diligence to get what they want, and then they call in a month later, just to try to BULLY us, and saying how they’re going to go to the Protection du Consommateur. Bitch, the discount outrun itself, you never bothered to correct it! We would have told you, we have gladly given you whatever you wanted, if you called within the discount time—which you didn’t, you called a month later. And you’re complaining, you’re going to go to the Protection du Consommateur. Bitch, they would laugh you out of the fucking office, because you didn’t read the fine print like a fucking dumb bitch! So… fuck shit! You now, normally I don’t tend to give any penalty fees or anything like that when you done fucked up, but for people like you, I’ll be glad to surcharge you. Bitch. [BLEEP!]
F If some buck-toothed rodent would come up to me and tell me he feels “sorry” for me because I’m buying a LOTTERY TICKET—even though I just won twice in a row—I’d ask that LOSER if he knew what’s in store for him in the future. Because it’s going to hurt. [BLEEP!]
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