“edited” by AL SOUTH
M I was just wondering, with all this talk about RELIGIOUS SYMBOLS, and banning head scarves, and now they say they will finally remove the cross that is in the State Assembly, what about the obvious ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM? The cross on Mount Royal! I mean, that is as big a religious symbol as there is anywhere in the world! We are famous for it! It is sitting there on land that is public, land that belongs to the people, all the people, shining down its CROSS RELIGION onto the city, bathing us in religion. AI mean really, at night it even gets lit up so now one ever forgets it. And then when the POPE, the king of religion, the ultimate non-secular dude, when he dies, the cross gets lit up PURPLE! To be honest, I am surprised this has never been brought up. Tear down the cross! Or move it onto some religious property, let them take care of it. I mean, I don’t think they should really, I think the whole thing is fucking ridiculous, but if you are going to claim to be secular, you should also not be hypocritical, right? [BLEEP!]
F Ok, so I get it, but listen up. My mother and the rest of my aunts and uncles went to school with NUNS as teachers all their lives. Wearing fucking nun’s outfits! Preaching their nun’s religious values and ideas! We finally BANNED THEM from teaching us wearing their outfits and banned religious school boards and now you wonder why we don’t want our government officials wearing nun’s outfits? Figure it out. [BLEEP!]
F I am so sick of hearing all these OLD GUYS talk about their BALLPARK. It is like some dream, some fantasy from their youth, something that used to mean something to them way back in the day when they were young and didn’t have potbellies and bad backs and did have hair. But here’s the thing—for those of us living in TODAY, we do not care! We do not want to blow a billion dollars so you go watch spoiled BRATTY multi-millionaire Americans running around on a field playing a game no one cares about anymore. What a waste. [BLEEP!]
M Here it is, this is the situation. You got a DOG that one day ran around Montreal North biting children. From what I heard this dog was on a RAMPAGE. That’s one fact. Then you got another fact, the most important fact: this dog is a PITBULL. I mean, of course. Then you got another fact that I just heard. The name of this dog, the name its owner gave it, is SHOTTA. Shotta. I laughed when I heard that. Shotta. That’s perfect. Do you know what that means? It means killer. Murderer. Gangster. A bad dog! Baaaad dawwwwg. And when Shotta lives up to its name and attacks people—it could have easily killed them—well that means it is time to put the dog down. You don’t send the dog to a holiday resort in New York. Some kind of all-inclusive for dogs? That’s where they want to send it? I don’t think so, it’s not vacation time. It’s time for the BIG SLEEP. So long Shotta. [BLEEP!]
M Hi Rant Line™. I’m so pissed off with BUMS asking for MONEY. It’s not like we live in a third world country, there are jobs out there. They are asking 18 year olds, 16 year olds for money. People that are grown-ass men and women asking kids for money. And the worst thing is, maybe you give them a buck, maybe you give them two bucks, and then a month later you bump into them and they are still asking for money! They’re just LOSERS who have no motivation to have anything in life and they panhandle off of other people who actually work. They need to fuck off. [BLEEP!]
M This message is for all the people who walk around drinking COFFEE out of single use disposable plastic or paper cups. I don’t think you even appreciate the taste and flavour of real coffee poured into a real cup. How long does it take you to finish a coffee in a real cup? Five minutes? But no, you prefer to propel all life on the planet into EXTINCTION with your mountains of garbage, much of it ending up in the oceans. You are no doubt the same people who do everything else possible to destroy the environment, which you hate, all so that you can save what you think is two or three minutes of your precious time. [BLEEP!]
M Hi. I was at a friend’s place the other night and he pulled out a film called Sleeper, by Woody Allen. It’s this crazy futuristic comedy about a guy who gets CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN in 1969 and when he gets thawed out he’s living in a post-nuclear landscape run by a NAZI DICTATOR. Everybody must realize that this is a movie that speaks about the times we live in. [BLEEP!]
F Hi. The first thing is in response to the guy who called to trash AIRBNB travellers. I just want to say I had a conversation with my friend and it seems the same case is applicable for SUBLETTING. Subletting for short term, like six days, is also part of traveller culture, and if anything, because the regulations are much looser, people tend to trash the place even further and hosts are less careful about how clean the apartment is for those travellers when subletting. So I don’t know how much of it is Airbnb’s fault. And the second thing, which is more interesting to me, is about CRYSTALS. I want to know what people’s experiences are with crystals, I want people to call in with their craziest crystal experience. Thank you. [BLEEP!]
M Screw this millennial generation of take it up the ass and resign yourself to being co-opted by a spider web of technocracy. Fuck that millennial bullshit! I’m going to harken back to a great song by X Ray Spex. All right, here it goes [sings in an odd fake British accent] Freddy tried to strangle me with my plastic popper beads/Bit I hit him back, with my pet rat. [BLEEP!]
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