15 YEARS AGO THIS SUMMER!
FEATURING: Spaceshits vs Tricky Woo, Vice vs trees, Yorks vs Steve’s, the MiMis , Mireille Silcott, Céline Dion!
INCLUDES: A rare FAXRANT™ and early-era lower-case gender designation!!
“edited” by AL SOUTH
m Yeah, I’ve been hearing a lot about some sort of “fake band” who were supposedly going to play between the Spaceshits and Tricky Woo. It just seems pathetic that Tricky Woo—a bunch of overage losers who are never going to go anywhere—are jealous because the Spaceshits are so much younger and more successful. Years from now, when the Spaceshits have gone on to FAME and FORTUNE, Tricky Woo will be playing in a Spaceshits cover band at the Peel Pub. Bunch of phony hipsters. Anyhow, I’d like to add that overall the Vice newspaper is a waste of trees. It seems ironic for them to complain about the Spaceshits being juvenile when their whole magazine is targeted towards retard teenagers who like to read interviews with PASTA and GOD. [BLEEP!]
m Whatever happened to the celebrated [spells out] “Me Me” Awards? Did ALL the inspired rock stars move to L.A.? [BLEEP!]
m I’m calling about the stores that service musicians, and I’d like to say that York’s has the CUTEST guys around. I went to Steve’s and they’ve got some cute guys too, but there’s one blonde guy and he’s very MEAN to me, he kind of hurts me. But at York’s they’ve got these great guys, guys with LONG HAIR [chortles meaningfully]. [BLEEP!]
m Yeah, this rant goes out to Mireille Silcott. A few weeks ago she went on about a bunch of promoters and who’s backing them, as if there was something negative about having investors help bring DJs and parties to town. Listen, whether it’s your uncle or your mother or Donald K. Donald financing your party, it shouldn’t matter. What matters is that people have a good time and that good music is being played. Furthermore, Mireille, if all you can do is complain about the scene, maybe you should go home and GO TO BED. [BLEEP!]
m Hey, what’s shaking? Got a little rant for you here. Went to eat at Nickels this morning on Ste-Catherine and Crescent. Now, I appreciate the fact that Céline Dion owns the Nickels chain of restaurants or has some sort of controlling interest. But when you walk in there, they are blasting her tunes, there are goddamn gold records all over the walls, it NEVER ENDS. I just went in for breakfast, man—I ended up in the middle of a Céline Dion-athon. Gimme a break! [BLEEP!]
FAXRANT I’d like to rant about rants. About musicians who bitch and whine about Montreal’s music scene, or the lack thereof. One day someone’s complaining about the lack of label interest for what we’ve got here, the next day fans are being blamed for not supporting local talent. But the truth is, the problem with Montreal’s music scene is seeded deeply at the root. Not with the labels, promoters or fans, but with the MUSICIANS themselves. I recently got in the game myself, trying to get a band together after years of writing and getting my own shit together on the side—and I couldn’t believe the type of people I was running into. No wonder NOTHING ever gets done: I have yet to meet a musician who returns his calls here, never mind showing up to practices or gigs on time. I don’t know how anything ever gets done in this city. Where else can a guy with highly rated songs, the money to get them recorded, a good deal at a good studio, two FM stations waiting to lend a hand and a couple of labels waiting to hear something not be able to put three songs together? And you wonder why the smart ones move away from this environment and try elsewhere. Don’t blame “the scene,” guys, because the scene begins with YOU. Get your friggin’ shit together. The world owes you nothing. You need to go out and earn it. That chip you’re all carrying on your shoulders is depriving this city of what could be a good local music scene. From Vizh. [BLEEP!]
m Hi, this is Jeff, it’s currently 3 o’clock in the morning. I’m calling because I’m a sound technician who has been working around Montreal for the past year. And I’m getting really, really SICK of these bands coming up and bitching at me about what sounds good and what doesn’t. The important thing is: all the bands should learn to keep their amplifiers DOWN. The P.A. system is there to help control the sound in the bar, not make it any fucking LOUDER. [BLEEP!]
m Yeah, I’m calling to reply to that GOAT CHEESE loser. He has no clue as to where to buy goat cheese! The best goat cheese to go buy, for your information pal, is in the GREEK community. That’s the only place to buy it! As for feta, we have the best feta after Greece. This person had no knowledge of cheese!! [BLEEP!]
f Hi, this is for the girl with the Red Army star at the recent Planet Smashers show. I think you’re HOT. Oh, and hi to those skaters I listened to on a Sunday night near the St-Laurent metro. What can I say? Summer’s is still in the air… [BLEEP!]